Mandelbrot-o'-lantern

I know that I don't usually (as in never) post pictures here, but I have to show off the pumpkin that I carved this year. It's the Mandelbrot set if you're not a math nerd like me. Actually, I'm really just a general kind of nerd, but I digress.



















In case you really want to enjoy your inner nerdiness, here's a great video of a Mandelbrot set zoom which shows the self-similarity extremely deep into it. It's fractaltastic.

Computer Gremlins

So my computer has been acting up lately. It hasn't been loading totally right when I started it up, and the power cord has only been working intermittently. Sometimes it will charge my computer just fine, and other times it will be plugged in and not recognize that and then run out of batteries. It won't even turn on for a few days, then it will suddenly be at full power and work fine but still not recognize that it's plugged in. Now in the last two weeks or so it's gone back to being fine. What's up with that? Did I have a virus that just up and left? That theory seems to resemble a band of marauders who decided to pillage but not rape-unlikely when you consider that I was told in my genetics class that nearly 1% of the world's population has the same "y"chromosome as Genghis Khan. I don't thing that there's much pillaging without raping.

And jumping back from that disturbing digression, I'm wondering if maybe my computer has developed into a malevolent entity who is using brain washing tactics. It just gives me a random outcome regardless of my actions. Some days I'm punished and some days rewarded, but what I do has no bearing on the outcome. That's the kind of treatment that can break you.

As attractive as both those theories are, Occam's Razor seems to point to my current theory: gremlins. Nothing explains strange behavior in technology as well as gremlins. We've been using that one since WWII. Thusly, we can logically call my computer infested with gremlins.

Just cause you did it poorly, doesn't mean you're bad

I don't know if other professions are like this, but opera definitely is. There are some people who just don't like to take direction. I don't know what it is. Maybe they feel threatened when someone says that they should do something differently? Well, whatever it is, it's annoying. Let me give you an example: there's a guy in the opera now who looks "inside" a lot when he sings. I don't know if he's just concentrating on singing well, or what, but it looks bad on the big stage. He looks a little downward and gets these huge shadows on his eyes. If you're in the balcony it's even worse. All you see is the top of his head. Now, lots of people, including myself, have pointed this out to him in a friendly way, but any time you talk to him about his performance he's just kind of cold towards you. It's not openly hostile or anything, but you get the impression that he really doesn't appreciate being told that he's doing something incorrectly.

I just don't understand that attitude. If you do something wrong, it doesn't mean that you're bad at it, it just means that you have something to learn. There's no shame in being ignorant, only in choosing to remain that way. Also, even if you know the right way to do something, you don't always do it right. You just need some impartial eyes and ears to make sure that what you think you're doing is actually coming across to the audience. In an even worse case, one girl mentioned that any time the director wants to say something to her double (most of our roles are double cast), he says it to her because her double gets offended when she's criticized or critiqued. That's ridiculous. Anyway, if anyone is ever working with me and I do something that looks or sounds bad, I'd appreciate if you'd let me know so I can fix it. How else am I supposed to get better?

Learn to sit

If I have learned one thing in my time at BYU, it is this: Learn to sit and do nothing. Honestly, if you want to be a professional on the stage, whether it's opera, acting, dance, whatever learn how to sit and not cause problems. This was illustrated to me again on Saturday when we had lighting tech rehearsal for "Tales of Hoffman." in the five hours that I was there, I was on stage for 15 minutes. Yes, it seems like that would probably be a horrible waste of time, but for this thing to look good, it was important for me to be there for that whole long thing and to not get in the way. Someday, I hope to even be paid for sitting there, won't that be nice? Though on second thought it seems eerily similar to my current job...

So, I was poking around on Chautauqua's website the other day, and I found this nice little bit of information in their FAQ's:

How many applicants do we receive?
Below are the averages of our auditions data covering the last seven years:

• No. of applicants 545
• No. of applicants scheduled 455
• Age range 21-approximately 35
• Sopranos 226
• Mezzos 78
• Tenors 50
• Baritones 45
• Bass-Baritones 9
• Basses 6

Basically what we learn from this is that it's awesome to be a guy if you sing. Thank you. That is all.

Applying to things isn't very fun

I've been working on applications for grad school and summer programs lately, and I'd just like to say that this has definitely not been on my list of favorite things to do. It's at least partly due to the fact that I don't feel like I have a really terrific resume to send to people, but maybe no one else does either...right?

I'm at least taking time to do it the right way. I'm recording my audition cd over the course of several weeks so that I'm never rushed into sending a bad take. I'm also getting all my materials and information together very early (with the exception of Chautauqua). Now I just have to hope that everything works out the way I want and I get to go somewhere fun next summer.

An amazing bit of creative art

I was randomly browsing the internet and I came across this website of a guy who does some pretty spectacular work with paper. I'm impressed.

This will waste ten minutes of your time

Okay, I found this interesting game online. Here's how it works: there are three lines attached to your mouse. they all spin at whatever speed you input. When you click and hold the mouse, the last line starts drawing and the computer will draw whatever shape you've created (as long as you don't move the mouse while it's drawing). It sounds odd and not that interesting, but give it a try. You'll enjoy wasting 10 minutes or so.

Geosketch

Great Acting

Acting, like any other skill, is something that takes a lot of work and study to be really good at. Most really good actors are very keenly observant of people and the way that they move, talk, stand, gesture, and communicate non-verbally. For less talented actors, they make a good living playing the same part over and over again. A few start as the I-always-play-the-oddball-in-comedies type of actor and then show us some versatility later. Some actors always do basically the same poor acting job, but find a movie in which their weird style works really well. But there are a few really great actors who seem to be able to play anything and nail it.

TW and I watched a movie the other day with one of those actors. In fact, I'd say that he's probably the best actor I've ever seen: Dustin Hoffman. We watched "Tootsie," which I haven't seen for years and I was completely blown away. It's an 80's movie, so there's some language in it, but other than that it's a great movie. As a performer and an actor, I take my hat off to Dustin Hoffman. He's amazing in everything I've ever seen him do.

The end of the rant

Well, here we are at the end. Congratulations to everyone who is still reading.

Problem 9: Cultural stigma against real art

I read an article for a class of mine that has something to do with this subject. Essentially, the articles expresses the idea that many people consider something good as long as it doesn't have anything even remotely objectionable in it, and they consider something bad when there is anything slightly objectionable in it. Unfortunately, many of the world's greatest works of art include material that might offend some people. What we need is the ability to glean something of value from a work even if there are things we don't agree with. Of course there are limits. We don't want to be viewing things that are openly pornographic or things that don't exercise any sense of restraint, but otherwise we should approach things with some toleration.

Let me give you an example (the same one used in the article in case you decided to skip it): Shakespeare. Most people will agree that his work is one of the great pinnacles of literature. Shakespeare was lovingly carried across the plains by pioneers who could bring precious little art and culture with them. We revere the work that he did and quote it often in church or general conference, yet Shakespeare is filled with dirty jokes, violence, witchcraft, and mounds of other vulgar and profane things. But that doesn't change the fact that his work can touch profound and sublime things in all of us. Shakespeare is therefore great art, in spite of the portions of his work that some would find objectionable.

Essentially I am saying that we need reasonable vigilance against damaging material in art, but that we shouldn't throw something good out because of some small offense.

Problem 10: Assumption that LDS-themed art is bad
I'm as guilty of this as anyone. When I hear about a new play based on the Book of Mormon, I assume that it's going to be bad. When someone writes a new piece of music about the Gospel, I usually don't go to see it because I don't want to be embarrassed by its low quality. The same goes for painting and books and all the other arts. Some of that response is conditioned by repeated disappointments, but it is exactly that kind of conditioned response that we need to guard against. In other words, give LDS artists a chance. Someday they'll create something great. A few already have.

If you want to read a little more about LDS art and artists, go here.

Here, here, here, and here are a few artist who I think are doing a great job, right now.


Well, that's the end of my rant. As a disclaimer I reserve the right to change my mind about any or all of the things I have written at any time, without notice. That is all.

Coming into the home stretch here

It's the halfway point on my multi-week rant, so let's dive right in.

Problem 6: Unrealistic views of life and the human condition
My view on this particular issue is changing around somewhat. On the one hand, we tend to be a more positive and optimistic group of people than most. Some, even in the church, would say that we're just fooling ourselves. If we lived in the real world we'd know what it was really like and we'd know how terrible everything is.

Bull.

I watched an interview with President Packer, and he made some terrific points. I kept thinking that he was in trouble with some of the questions that he was being asked, but his responses were terrific. In answer to a similar question that was raised (I apologize for the paraphrasing, but I don't have a transcript of it) he said, "It's our responsibility to represent things as they ought to be, not as they are." He went on to say essentially that it was good and wonderful and important to deal with difficult subjects, but you can do it in a way that's tasteful. You can portray things in such a way that it is clear what has gone on, but that doesn't offend the spirit. As far as our world-view goes, assuming that our theology (or really almost anyone's theology) is true, and I believe that ours is, then a positive, upbeat outlook on life is the proper one.

Problem 7: No market for quality work
As I've pondered this, I don't think it's the issue. People want quality work, they often just don't know how to distinguish it. For instance, if all you've ever seen is a light bulb, then you can't conceive of how bright and illuminating the sun it. In the same way, we have many members who've rarely seen truly great, or even truly good art. If they had, then much of the problem would be non-existent I believe.

Problem 8: Intolerance for "black sheep" in the LDS community
The beautiful thing about the gospel is how broad and inclusive it is. So much of it is left up to our own personal judgement that it can be easy to look askance at those who choose differently than you do on some of those grey areas. Beyond just small things, it's even more difficult for those who struggle with major issues, but still try and remain worthy. Let me give you an example: I attend BYU as a music major. For some reason, the arts tend to attract people with homosexual tendencies. Even at BYU, many of my good friends struggle with same-sex attraction. They're good people and some of the most talented students that we have at the school, but they're under almost a don't ask/don't tell type of policy. Officially they're welcome to attend BYU as long as they maintain the standards like anyone else, but they often deal with persecution and ostracization from so-called Christians who find out about them. Prejudice like that is unacceptable. The quickest way to kill the arts is to start making life difficult for those who don't fit the perfect normal mold.

I don't want this to be just a rant on accepting people who struggle with sin. I have friends who felt like they were resented by some members of their congregation simply because they drank caffeine or watched r-rated movies or had some odd hobby. Whether or not you think that those things are sins, there are surely better causes that you can put your time into than stamping out Pepsi and Coke's presence in Utah. Just remember that we as a people need to be more tolerant and loving overall, and less rigid, judgemental, and exclusive.

Further Rumiations on LDS Art

I only have enough time to explore two of the possible problems that I mentioned earlier, so here we go.

Problem 4: Not enough education and training of artists
This one could be looked at in several different ways. On the one hand, are some extremely well-trained artists who are LDS. But on the other hand, that level of training is the exception, not the rule. You can argue that BYU and the other church schools have enormous numbers of applicants to their fine arts programs, so clearly there is an interest, but quantity doesn't equal quality, and our programs continue to be sort-of mid-range as far as their quality. For me, I think this is a problem for one reason: the evidence of supply and demand. There is a market for the huge amount of banality peddled by Deseret Book and its imitators. To at least some degree that market is fueled by people who don't know or don't care that something themed around the Book of Mormon is not necessarily created with care, quality, or artistry. If we as a people were better versed in the arts and culture, then we'd be better able to recognize those who try to profit off of our devotion to the gospel without adding anything to it.

Problem 5: No depth of thought among our people

This is a thorny issue. If my blog had more that five or ten readers, it could get me into trouble. I worry that deep thinking, while not discouraged, is not always held up as a virtue in LDS culture. Many of the prophets were deep thinkers who spent hours pondering on the scriptures, but we, being the beneficiaries of their intellectual and spiritual legacies, are often given so many astounding answers and insights that we don't bother to think more deeply about issues. When you get the meaning of life laid out for you on a platter when you're five or six years old, it's hard to figure out where to go from there.

As far as your religious faith is concerned, you'll be fine if you take what the prophets say and pattern your life accordingly, but art needs to have questions, issues, insights, conflicts, doubts, triumphs, and failures. I don't want to say that there isn't depth in our ideas and feelings, but for great works to be produced, there has to be more thought put into the gospel than what I often see on Sunday.

On a side note as I hit the half-way point here, I don't want anyone reading this to think that I'm in any way criticizing the church, the gospel, or any of the Lord's anointed leaders. The church is God's only true church on the earth, the Gospel is the Truth the Christ came to bring us, and the leaders of the church are what they claim to be: prophets, the Lord's mouthpiece on the Earth. What I am criticizing is the prevailing culture of LDS people accepting gospel-themed mediocrity as art.

This is basically amazing

Yes, the time stamp is correct. My back hurts so I can't sleep. Anyway, here's what I'm doing with my insomnia.

Best invention ever

Good night. (hopefully)

Even more on LDS Art

I'm going to take the first few things I mentioned in the last post and examine their validity. Assuming that they're valid, I'll go ahead and offer a possible solution or two. I figure that it's easy to see problems with something; the real trick is finding effective solutions.

Problem 1: Lack of inherent talent among our people

Anyone who thinks that this "problem" is a legitimate one hasn't read President Kimball's talk or doesn't know that he's a prophet.

"As I have traveled throughout the Church, many times I have been entranced with sweet and lovely voices. I believe that deep in the throats of these faithful Saints of today and tomorrow are superior qualities which, superbly trained, can be equal or surpass these known great singers.

"Members of the Church should be peers or superiors to any others in natural ability, extended training, plus the Holy Spirit which should bring them light and truth. With hundreds of 'men of God' and their associates so blessed, we have the base for an increasingly efficient and worthy corps of talent."

Natural talent shouldn't be the issue with the poor quality work being turned out.

Problem 2: Lack of focus on the arts

This problem is actually a problem. Colleges want generalists, society wants specialists. Unfortunately, many LDS kids choose to explore a multitude of hobbies and activities, but choose to excel in none of them. Parents justify this behavior to themselves saying that their child is just trying to find something that they like, but the reality is that most kids are just trying to find something that comes easily to them or trying to pad their college applications. Once something becomes hard or something is expected of them they switch to their new interest. They're not doing themselves or anyone else any favors.

If we want great artists then we have let people specialize. The day of the Renaissance Man is long past. It's time for the specialist to take over.

Problem 3: Few full-time professional artists in the church

I'm not advocating that the church suddenly start hiring artists full time, but that practice has been a major contributing factor to the rich tradition of art in the Catholic church. Artistic greatness is rarely achieved by those who work towards it in their spare time. There also seems to be a general feeling in the church that professional artists are unable to keep their standards, so many who would lean in that direction shy away from it.

Here's the reality: you will find dishonest, immoral, evil people in any profession that you choose. Just because the art community tends to flaunt it more openly doesn't mean that you're safe from ethical and moral challenges just because you've decided to be an accountant. If you do the things that you need to do in order to stay close to the church and keep your testimony, then you'll be fine no matter what profession you choose. If you don't then you'll have problems no matter what proffession you choose.

Well, that's a quick look at the first three of the ten problems that I mentioned. I'll get to the rest in the next few posts.

More on LDS Art

If you're going to examine LDS art at this point, the place to start is with Spencer W. Kimball. He gave what is essentially the landmark address on LDS art and artists. You can read it here. In fact, you should read it. Go read it. Now. Done? Okay good. For the majority of LDS artists of the day, this became a major part of their inspiration/vision. I know at least one of my teachers who completely changed his career path so that he could help fulfill in some small measure this vision.

This talk is also heavily emphasized in many of the classes that I've taken, so most people of my generation are pretty familiar with it as well. I want to look at the talk and (working from a position of belief that the prophet is in fact a prophet) examine what possible issues are holding LDS art back, and what can be done about them.

I took a few minutes and jotted down several actual or potential issues with LDS art:

1. Lack of inherent talent among our people

2. Lack of focus on the arts

3. Few full-time professional artists in the church

4. Not enough education and training of artists

5. No depth of thought among our people

6. Unrealistic views of life and the human condition

7. No market for quality work

8. Intolerance for "black sheep" in the LDS community

9. Cultural stigma against real art

10. Assumption that LDS-themed art is bad

I could obviously stretch this discussion into a lot of posts, but I'll try and limit it to three or four. And of course, if you have anything to add, feel free to comment.

LDS Art

So, I've been thinking about a conversation that I had with a friend of mine many years ago. It centered on the fact that, aside from a few notable examples, there was a whole bunch of terrible LDS art (by art I mean anything that could pass as one of the fine arts). She's a painter and I'm an opera singer, and we both see a serious lack of quality LDS work being done in our respective fields. We decided to do what we could to create a renaissance of LDS culture, so here's my call for an LDS renaissance. I want to see some quality work done. No kitsch, nothing vulgar or unclean. Put all your creativity and craft into it.

For the next few posts I'm going to be talking about what the problems are and what we can do to fix them. We'll see how it goes. I'm not guaranteeing any conclusions about anything, since most writers agree that what you think about a subject changes as you write about it. I suppose writing is an essential key to lucid thought. Anyway, we'll see where we go.

Now I know, and knowing is half the battle

I don't usually (as in never) post on the weekends, but TW sent this to me, and I thought it was worth passing on. Especially to those of you who are expecting. Part of it is in Spanish and my language skills aren't good enough to totally understand what they're saying, but you'll get the idea from the pictures.

Instructions on how to take care of a baby

Enjoy.

Don't watch these things with your pregnant wife

Frequency

Star Trek

March of the Penguins

K-Pax

Bambi

The evening news on the day that they report a horrific crime involving a pregnant lady getting murdered and her unborn child being stolen out of her

Any movie where a a pregnant woman loses her husband.

Madame Butterfly

If you have any other suggestions please let me know.

Speaking of guys thinking about dumb things

Quick story. This one time in the MTC, my district and I were at lunch, and several of us got into a heated who-would-win-in-a-fight debate. This is one of the oldest and most important points of discussion for men dating back to our caveman days (some women might argue that those haven't ended, but that's another discussion...) when one cro magnon man and another got into an argument over whether a sabre-tooth tiger could beat a mammoth in a fight. The debate was settled when the two men were trampled and their now-much-more-tender bodies were eaten by the tiger. Anyway, back to the story.

Our debate centered on whether Neo from "The Matrix" could beat Superman. We were in the midst of fleshing out essential ground rules (in the matrix or out, is there kryptonite in the matrix, and could Neo make kryptonite appear if it didn't exist) when some guy threw a napkin in front of us. On it was written the words:

Jesus is my superhero.

-The Thai Elders

I know it's not very Christlike of me, but that's one time that I honestly thought about decking someone in the MTC. Oh well. Apparently you're not allowed to relax a little or let your hair down (figuratively speaking, because literally if you're a dude then you can't). It's a weird place sometimes. (But don't let that dissuade you from going on a mission. You won't regret it.)

Disney's dark secret

Disclaimer: This post is meant only as a joke and is not meant to offend anyone.

So, sorry that I haven't posted in a few weeks. My internet was down on the day that I felt like blogging, so nothing got written for a while. That's the way it goes. Anyway, I said that I'd disclose Disney's dark secret, so here goes.

This discovery came out of a conversation that I had with a mission buddy of mine. He posed the following question: What's the deal with Pluto?

Since, the specificity of his question left something to be desired I inquired further about what he meant and received the following explanation, "Well, Goofy is a dog, right? And Pluto is a dog, but Goofy walks around and talks to people, while Pluto is just like a regular dog. So what's up with Pluto, is he just a different breed or something?"

Before I go any further with this, I should probably address what you're thinking about right now, and Yes. Guys do spend a lot of time thinking about things like this.

Ready for the answer? Here it is. Pluto isn't a different breed or anything, he just slow, but there are no organizations in the Disney world to fight for his rights so Mickey goes right on treating him like a dog. When the big story breaks and someone writes the massive expose on the Disney world, remember that you heard it from me first.

The Happiest Place on Earth

No. It's not Disneyland. I'll discuss the dark secret of that place in my next post. This place is so much better than Disneyland that it makes Disneyland look like an overpriced tourist trap...even more than it already does look like an overpriced tourist trap. Not that I don't enjoy Disneyland, but it can't hold a candle to my favorite place on Earth.

Wegman's.

That's right. It's a grocery store, but if you've never been there, then your life is incomplete as of now. Everything that comes before Wegman's is just a prelude to the moment you walk through the doors. Let me give you a few highlights.

Sandwich Shop - It blows Subway out of the water. The subs are more glorious than you can imagine.

Cheese Shop - Yes, they do have whatever weird kind of cheese that you've only heard the name of and are curious about.

Olive Bar - Not that I really like olives that much, but I'm sure I can find at least one that I'd eat. But c'mon, it's an olive bar in the store.

Cooking Classes - What's that? You don't want to pay money for a cooking class? Don't worry, they employ a whole bunch of professional chefs who are always there and available to anwer any cooking questions you might have.

Look at all the replies to one complaining customer - And did you notice the mention of free daycare? That's right. Mom's can bring their kids and drop them off while they shop.

3rd best place to work - Only 3rd you say? Scoff not. It lost to a biotech firm (can you compete with a company that improves the human condition and gives it's employees a six week paid sabbatical every six years?) and Google (can anyone compete with Google?). Here's a few companies that it beat out: Cisco, ACI, Starbucks, Nordstrom, Adobe, Yahoo, Mayo Clinic, and Nike.

Wegman's, I salute you.

Cosmo apparently does NOT swing that way

It looks like Cosmo is no longer one of the homosexual students on campus. Wikipedia has been updated. While I'm glad that we're no longer being misrepresented, I'm going to miss that old entry a little bit. It was hilarious.

Teenagers are Ugly

I was recently on vacation on the East Coast, and as we were driving I saw a car with their window rolled down, and a kid who looked to be about 14. Do I actually have to say that he was not an attractive-looking person? It's common among all species, but for your enjoyment, just take a moment and smile to yourself that you are not still in that awkward stage. If you still want to see more, go here, here, here, and most especially here. If you are still in that awkward stage then you have my condolences.

Things I Secretly Wish I Had

So, in general I try to be a decent person. I think I generally do okay at it. But there's this side of me that likes to do things just to shock/annoy/offend the sensibilities of/tick off/bother and otherwise pester my fellow human beings. It's not that I don't like you, it just that you're fun to mess with. So, here are a few things that I kind-of wish that I owned, but would (likely) never be able to use because if I did, TW wouldn't go out in public with me:

T-Shirt

A slightly ironic shirt, an inside joke about something you read on the Internet, and a superhero reference all rolled into one. Unfortunately the slight sacrilege is a bit of a turn off. :^(

Car Thingy

I'll admit it. Even though I often tend to be conservative in my political views, I think it's funny when the wing-nuts on the right (or the left for that matter) get ticked off, and as far as the evolution vs. creation debate goes, I think people who refuse to look at the evidence that science gives because they think it contradicts the bible must live in a very small world. The inability to hold two ideas in your mind that seem contradictory and accept that they could both be true if you had all the information is evidence of an underdeveloped psyche.

Book

Actually you can scroll down and choose from several of these books that TW wouldn't be thrilled with. Of the three things here, one of these books is the thing that I am most likely to actually get. Just wait, we're having a girl right now, but when we have a little boy, I may have to get some of the ones about explosions or things like that.

Google Chrome

So, I was pretty happy when Mozilla Firefox first came out, because it meant that I could stop using Internet Explorer. I feel like Microsoft is really behind as far as innovation is concerned. They're just cautious about what they do. Whenever they do make big changes to the format of their stuff, it's usually because some other company has come out with a better product that they rip off (i.e. Windows Vista, the current iteration of IE, etc.).

Anyway, I've been a fan of Firefox since I started using it, but my brother-in-law is more of computer guy than I am and he said that I should try Google Chrome. I was a little skeptical at first, since I really like Firefox, but he said "it's like it has all the features that you didn't realize that you wanted, and it's faster than Firefox." I figured that it was worth a try, since I can't think of anything that Google has done that wasn't high quality.

Today was the first day I tried it, and I can say that it has my seal of approval. It's got a really nice, clean interface. You can use one bar for both searching and browsing, if something running on one tab and it crashes, it won't kill the whole program, and you can drag tabs into their own separate windows. In short, it's just better. Get it. Install it. Enjoy it. You won't be sorry.

No Feeling Feels as Good as Feeling Smugly Superior

The other day at work (I work at a radio station), a great thing happened. Marcus Smith pronounced a word incorrectly. And I caught it. If you don't know who Marcus Smith is, go here and listen to a few episodes. You'll see what I mean. Marcus is really a nice guy, but when someone is really smart it's always fun to catch them. I was tempted to write a fake snooty letter to the station. I used to answer e-mails that came to the station, so I think that I could probably get the tone down pretty well. Here's how it would go.

To: Mr. Marcus Smith

From: Ms. Ima Prick

Re: Gross error on your show

Dear Mr. Smith,

I was distressed the other day as I was listening to your show. Usually I find your commentary to be if not insightful, at least thought provoking. On this particular day though, you made an almost inexcusable error in the pronunciation of the word "chimeric." While your misplacement of the accent of the word (on the first syllable instead of the second syllable) might be excusable due to the word's Greek origin, and the frequent accentation of the antepenultimate syllable in Greek, your pronunciation of the word using an "sh" sound instead of a "k" is incomprehensible. In an English approximation of Greek, a "ch" should never make an "sh" sound. In the future please be more careful about your pronunciation as poor pronunciation can at best make you harder to understand and at worst be offensive to the more sensitive portion of your listeners.

Humbly,

Ms. Ima Prick

You know, it's sad how close that letter actually comes to sounding like something we might get. Anyway, I'd never send it since Marcus really is such a nice guy, but like I said, it's nice to feel smugly superior sometimes, if only for a minute.

Pioneer Day

Well, it's that time of year where Utahns get a day off and the rest of the country has to work. That's right, it's Pioneer Day. I'm actually on vacation in North Carolina right now, but I thought I'd get a little something down on the blog to celebrate. And so I present to you one of my ancestors: Jane Johnston Black.

She was a Mormon pioneer, a midwife, really short, and an all-around awesome lady. I'm pretty sure that she could beat me up, even though she was less than 5 feet tall. If you follow the link earlier and scroll down, you can find a little biography of her. If you don't want to read the whole thing, I'll just repost my favorite parts below. (On a side note, I'm not closely related to the people who run the site. I'm copying and pasting what they have because I have the same things in my family history records, but mine aren't digitized.)

"My husband being in Canada at the time, I went with the Saints to Montrose before crossing the Mississippi River. A posse of the mob rode up and surrounded our wagons and demanded we give up our fire arms. I had a pistol in my bosom and I drew it out and told them 'Here is my pistol, but I will use it before I give it up.' They did not take it from me but threatened to throw me in the river that night. Then we were ferried across the Mississippi River into Iowa and remained there a short time. I buried what arms I had in a quilt in a hole under the wagon wheel...

"We had nothing to sweeten anything with until the Lord sent honey dew, which we gathered from the bushes until we had all the sweets we wanted. I also boiled maple juice and got cakes of maple sugar. While preparing to leave Montrose, I was engaged in taking up the firearms I had buried under the wagon, when the mob came and asked me what I was doing. I told them the Saints were to have power to resurrect and that was what I was doing. 'Oh,' said one, 'she is crazy,' so I saved our arms..."

One more story which is also in my family record but which I lifted from this site so I didn't have to type it. This time it's written as told to one of one of Jane Black's granddaughters by one of her daughters.

"One morning Grandmother was cooking breakfast on the coals in the fireplace - stoves were not fashionable in Dixie [Utah] in those days. This was probably two or three days before Edward was born. When a large Indian, his face covered with paint, stepped into the little cabin and asked Grandmother for something she did not have, and so informed him, he grunted and walked over to the frying pan of meat and hacked, then bit into it. Grandmother had a hardwood poker standing by the fireplace, sharpened at one end for use in lifting the vessels off the coals. She grabbed that poker and broke it in two across his head. He went down on all fours and scrambled on his hands and knees until he got to the door. He went out head first; she gave him a swift kick in the rear which landed him on his head and face. He finally got to his feet and ran. She ran after him, punching him in the ribs with the sharp end of that stick and he was screaming for help. Mother got to the door and saw the race. He finally got away and grandmother was standing in the road shouting, "You black Devil! If you ever come to my house again, you will get something worse than that!" Grandfather met the Indian a few days later, his head all bandaged up, and the Indian congratulated him on having such a brave squaw."

Puerto Rico: The Game

Lots of people like to play board (or card) games. I am one of those people. Now I should qualify that. Games of the board and card variety come in three types: speed, strategy, and luck. Admittedly, many games use at least some amount of all of those, but you can generally say a game is mainly one or another of those three. TW likes speed games, since she tends to kill me. (Never play SET with TW). I like strategy games, because I like to out-think/out-maneuver an opponent. If you are at all like me, then I have a game for you: Puerto Rico.

I will warn you. Puerto Rico has a lot of rules and takes a little while to learn, but once you get it, you will find that it is one of the most balanced, interesting, strategically dense, and fun games you will ever play. The basic idea is that the players are all plantation owners who are trying to settle Puerto Rico. (It's a little like Settlers of Catan, and I believe it's by the same company so that makes sense). You take turns building, producing goods, shipping them to England, selling them, or getting more settlers (a side note, the "settlers" are little brown chips that come to Puerto Rico on a special ship. Essentially they're slaves, but we're being politically correct, which is probably a good thing in this case, so they're settlers). It's really a fantastic game, so if you're looking for a new game to keep you interested, check it out.

Nationally, Republicans are a Joke

I'm a bit of a news junkie, so I've been following the politcal scene somewhat closely, and I have to vent about something that bothers me with Republicans right now. Flip-flopping. When Bush and the Republicans were in power, they spent money like drunken sailors. The national debt inflated higher than it's ever been, the size and invasiveness of the government increased to unprecedented levels, and yet they continued to slash taxes to keep people complacent. Now that they've been given a good drubbing in the last election, suddenly they're all reformed and talking about how Obama is spending too much money and how raising taxes is going to kill the economy.

First it was with the stimulus bill. After all the years of deficit spending that Bush did, you'd think that they'd be fine with more of the same thing, especially since it makes sense to do it during a recession. Instead they whined and dug in their heels and acted like children. They gutted the bill and now there's concern that it won't be large enough. If the stimulus package doesn't work as intended, don't blame Obama, blame the Republicans in congress.

Now the new fun thing to complain about is health care reform. It's hard to deny that we need a serious overhaul of the health care system, but many Republicans are again making it difficult to get things done. Admittedly, the Democrats' plan isn't perfect, and I'm not saying that we should let the Dems have free reign over policy, especially with Nancy Pelosi pushing an agenda that leans extremely far to the left, but I'd much rather see some unity on a plan that's not perfect, than see puerile Republican congressmen feeding America these lies that they're concerned about spending too much money under a guise of being "loyal opposition."

In short, "Tax and Spend" Democrats are better than "Cut and Spend" Republicans.

I Have a Dream

I mentioned in an earlier post a thing called "auto tune the news." In my opinion it's a fascinating mixture of fun and playfulness with legitimate satire, and musically there are actually some really good moments. The artists who produce those short videos (the Gregory Brothers) also produced an interesting tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. They auto tune his famous "I have a dream" speech and produce a sort of postmodern anthem. Whether or not you like it, I think it's incredibly relevant given events in the last few years, as well as the current political climate. Should this replace the original speech? Obviously not. Does the original speech even need help to reach people today? I doubt it. It's incredibly powerful on its own. But does this take on it present an enjoyable and compelling tribute to the man? Absolutely.

Cosmo is Gay?

As I have mentioned before, I go to BYU, and our beloved mascot is Cosmo the Cougar. For some reason I searched him on wikipedia the other day, and I came across this line:

"Cosmo is usually one of the homosexual students on campus..."

I have no idea if it's true or not, but I'm not inclined to believe it. Wikipedia, I love you, but sometimes you make me wonder how much I should trust you.

Working Out

I like to joke that I'm fat. I'm not really, but I do have slightly more of a gut than I'd like. I also have a long history of back problems, so TW ("The Wife") and I have started working out. I'm really bad at it. I designed a fairly simple/moderately effective program for myself. Its main advantage is that it's easy to follow, you don't kill yourself, and you don't spend forever at the gym.

There are ten exercises/weight machines/muscle groups that I think are important. If you do some exercises with these then you've pretty much got a total body workout that most people would be happy with (assuming you're not big into sports or physical fitness). This is basically a program for beginners, but it works pretty well. Here's the ten, in no particular order:

1. Chest (bench press, flys)
2. Upper Back (rowing, reverse flys or whatever)
3. Abs (crunches, resistance crunches)
4. Lower Back (any of those exercises where your body sticks out at an angle and you bend up and down at the waist...I don't remember what they're called)
5. Biceps (curls)
6. Triceps (Tricep press, or some variation on that)
7. All around legs (squats, leg press)
8. Quads (That one where you sit with your knees bent and put weight on them and straighten your legs)
9. Hamstrings (That one that's the opposite of the quad exercise)
10. Shoulders (Most any thing where you lift weights above your head, or even up to your neck or so)
Bonus: Lats (Any pull-up type motion)

Now here's how I actually do things. I go to the gym 3 times a week and choose 7 of the exercises. Then I do 3 sets of 8-12 (basically until failure, except on abs and back exercises to prevent injury). If you're careful on how you do the exercises, you can get all of them in twice a week, and if you want you can throw in a few extra exercises if you're feeling good. On off days, I just do yoga or pilates (they both help my back). Other than that, just make sure and do 15 minutes of cardio a day and you'll be on your way. Maybe not on your way to underwear-model fitness, but at least on your way to general good health.

(P.S. Don't actually listen to anything I say unless you've talked to a doctor or someone who actually has a license to say things about health)

The New Addition

Well, TW ("The Wife") and I are expecting right now, and yesterday was the big appointment where we have a chance to find out the gender of the child. So not to keep anyone in suspense, it's a girl. We're not discussing names with other people right now, but we're really excited since that's what TW was hoping for. Huzzah!

Youtube

So, I attend BYU, and recently there was a huge change that happened: BYU unblocked Youtube from their servers, citing the educational content that could be accessed. For the last week, I've basically become a Youtube junkie as I try to catch up on all the things that I've missed. In case you've missed anything in the last several years, I have a few of my favorites from the last week:

Tranquilized bear and trampoline
Gay referee
Treadmill dance from ok go
George Lucas in Love
Matrix ping pong
Katana sword infomercial
Butterfly lovers dance
Best man trips
Look at that horse
The Nothing Box
Take on me "literal version"
Gay mount everest
Auto tune the news
Mentos and diet coke
Pet of the week
Grape stomp
Boom goes the dynamite
Maze prank
Brian Regan

I'm sure all of this has been very educational. That is all.

Good Day

Well, I've decided to start blogging. At this moment, no one knows about this, and therefore no one cares, but at some point I may have a readership (even if it is just my family), so I guess I'm supposed to write a "welcome" post, or a "here's me introducing myself" post. Well, this is it. And I don't really want to give you a big rundown of who I am and stuff, because that will come out as I blog. So rather that give you some cliche saying like "this is where I'm going to write all of my random musings" (doesn't the phrase "random musings" just seem like it's used too much? Props to whichever blogger used it first, but you've created monster), I'm just going to say that I'll write about what I'm thinking and feeling, and whatever else is going on in my life. Also, I like to put links in my blog that I think are funny but have only a tenuous connection to what I'm talking about.